ANR Origins: Weldon

This is a recollection of some of the specific racist experiences I had growing up in the Roswell/Alpharetta area.  Racism is surely one of the defining factors of my early life, and I'd like to share a few of those experiences with you.  I'll spare real names because I don't want any blame put on these individuals.  I blame racism on the fear of what's different, and I believe that's a product of cultural ignorance.

[Note: You'll notice I use the word "Chink" a lot.  It is a derogatory term for a Chinese person.  Kind of like the N-word, not as socially severe though.  The word itself isn't that offensive, as much as the manner in which it was directed towards me.]

- A good friend of mine in the 3rd grade tells me I can't sleep over because his dad won't allow it because I am Chinese.  All the White kids on our soccer team get to sleep over though. 

-5th grade: There's two sides of the neighborhood I grow up in.  There is a Chinese boy on the other side.  The older White kids from my side organize with the older White kids from the other side to have me fight the other Chinese boy.  They cheer us on as we have a fist fight in "the ditch" -- a sewer drop off in the back woods behind some guy's house.

- 6th grade: A White boy from a different class cluster approaches me to ask me why "I think I am Black."  And that "I should act my race."  I punch him four times in the face.  He leaves me alone.

- 6th grade: A boy one grade older than me yells "Chink" at me everyday when I step off the bus.  This goes on for most of the school year.  I build up the courage to physically confront him and I threaten him.  A few days later, one of his bigger friends throws me into a wall in the hallway.

- 6th grade: A White friend of mine tells me that another kid that he know is acting real "Jewish" referring to his something greedy that he did.  It was strange hearing that.  I knew this boy wasn't used to using those types of racial adjectives, so he must have been taught it.  I also think to myself that if he's slurring Jews, which I had previously lobbed into the "White category," then what is he saying about Chinese people behind my back?

- 7th grade: I recently went to summer camp in New York City, where my friends in the camp were Latino, Asian, and Black.   I come back with an attitude that I can't be friends with any white people anymore.  I have a general hate towards them.  I cut my ties with almost all of them.

- 8th grade, One of my Chinese friends starts hanging out with his older sister, who goes to Chattachoochee High School and is part of the Asian social group, "Asian Pride/Korean Pride."  Eventually, he  adapts their cultural belief that I am a "disgrace" because of my mixed white blood.  He stops being friends with me.

- 9th grade: I get into high school.  There's Black students from South Fulton County that I do not know, who treat me worse than the White kids do in these days.   Their racism is blatant.  I get in a couple of fights.  I stop sitting at the "Black table."

- 9th grade: I make the decision to act more "white."  A Mexican friend of mine feels the same way.  We go on a shopping day at Abercrombie and Fitch.    We only come out with like two shirts each.  It's really expensive to be White, we discover.

- 9th grade: A popular White kid that took a liking to me wanted to call me "Chink" as a nick name.  I agreed to in order to garner acceptance with him.

- 9th grade: I go to visit a female friend of mine in the neighborhood.  As I am leaving her house, her older brother and his friends yells "Chink" at me from their bedroom window.  "Yeah, you!" he yells as I look back at them.  I walk away with them laughing at me.

...

The memorable incidents linger off towards the later high school years because I found an artistic outlet (filmmaking) that shifted my focus away from fitting in socially.  Also, these were the years where my friendships with my fellow AlphaNuRoswell members began to develop.

Elementary School is where I began to really notice I was different than everyone else -- at least racially.  Perhaps  this benign physical difference forced me into a self-conscious state much earlier than my peers.  In middle school, I reacted by rejecting both of the racial groups I was from, and I whole-heartedly threw myself into basing my general character on Black cultural norms.  I was a "wigger."  Or a "Chigger."  Whichever one fit better for the person putting the label on me.  But I wasn't White or Chinese -- that was the important fact I had come to.  I found salvation in my friendships with my Black peers.  I may have experienced a lot of racism from them, but at least I didn't have the feeling of racial betrayal.  We were minorities together, and that's what was important.

I'm originally from Brooklyn, NY, a much more racially diverse place than Roswell/Alpharetta, GA (note: There's still plenty of racism in Brooklyn, I'll get into that later).  When I lived in New York City recently and finally got to experience Brooklyn as an older person, I would sometimes fantasize about what my life would have been like if my family never moved to Georgia.  I'm not sure if my artistic side would have ever been even triggered.  While it is enticing to think that I could of had a "normal life," I'm glad I don't.  I prefer to be different.  I have the racist environment I grew up in to be thankful for turning me into an observer and a creator.  I do not suppress those unique instincts and thoughts that I feel most people run from because "it's not normal."  I indulge in the unusual side of my brain.  And it has led to an extraordinatry life.   When you're told you're different from an early age, it becomes an accepted factor of your life.  And I am forever grateful that those racists told me that I was different. :)